Daughter’s anger & suicidal thoughts

Dear mom, ill be praying for your daughter and all your family. I too have a daughter with high functioning autism, believe me, God is faithful and He will see you through this of testing. I pray Jeremiah 29:11-12, over my girls everyday. God bless you sister and your family

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Has anyone heard from this woman since she posted? I’m tempted to do a private message wellness check, but…figure I’d ask to make sure she’s been around. Hopefully gaining strength and comfort.

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Hi Everyone!

Thank you so much for all your prayers and encouragement! I’ve been reading your prayers and comments but have been feeling too overwhelmed to respond. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions in our home.

Things started to get a better for a while and then BAM, another episode. I completely lost it, and afterwards began feeling very hopeless, discouraged, started to get angry, and had very dark thoughts of my own.

But just yesterday I feel like there’s been a breakthrough. I sometimes serve in children’s ministry at our church and during our lesson of God’s angel breaking Peter out of prison, I was reminded of God’s miraculous powers. There is nothing impossible with God. God is powerful and mighty and the one who can break all our chains!

There’s a lot of baggage that I’ve carried from my own past and a whole lot of baggage my husband still carries from his abusive past. I believe God is using our daughter to break our family free from any remaining chains and strongholds and will bring about miraculous healing, both physically and spiritually.

Thank you all again for all your prayers and love!! Please continue to pray for us!

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I have a 9 year old daughter. My heart goes out to you and your family. Yes, I will pray with you.

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I’m so happy you’ve had a breakthrough, things seem to be happening on the prayer request posts I’ve noticed several miracle breakthroughs, that at first seemed hopeless, God is with us, We have have an awesome God. Thankyou God for loving us, and using our weakness to show your strength. Help us to realise, that what we ask for isn’t always what we get, but it’s always what we need. Amen x

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I can only imagine your hour of trial, but stand with you others here in prayer and fasting for your daughter. The first thing that came to mind is a similar story in Matthew 14:21 where the disciples tries to cast a demon out of a child but were unable to. Jesus cast the demon out after remonstrating the Apostles, then explaining “this kind only comes out with much prayer and fasting”. I am in no means remonstrating, but rather offering a scriptural basis by which your daughter will be healed. I will add my efforts to yours and all others here for the healing of your son; do not give up. I have witnessed firsthand how such a condition (Fragile X Syndrome), can be improved over time with this approach and a loving attitude towards the child - so easy for me to say, but so vital that she receive it. Healing may not occur immediately, but rather in small increments. I applaud you for seeking Christian counselors. One last recommendation: If your daughter is in public schools get…her…out. May the Lord make His face shine upon you and give you Peace.

Matthew 19:26. “…but with God, all things are
possible.”

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hello brother^^

Thank you so much for your prayers and fasting!
I have been fasting and praying too.

When covid distance learning started I knew it was God telling me NOW it’s time to homeschool. My husband, who was so against homeschooling for so long, finally agreed and we took our girls out of public school. :grinning:

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Thank you! Much appreciated!!

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I am sorry you are going through this. My son also has high functioning autism. He is about to turn 12 this summer. My son was nonverbal up until 5. Slowly he started talking. Now he is always talking. We did a lot of speech therapy and occupational therapy. My husband and I were completely lost on what to do. My son also went dark around 5. Saying he wanted to kill us. My husband and I cried many day and night over our sons behavior. It scared us. We were just devastated. We took it to God. We felt him leading us to a person who specialized in neurology and autism. She explained our son does not want to ‘kill us’. He is just so angry in the moment that he does not have the words to express what he needs and is overwhelmed by the feeling of anger. Autistic people have a hard time processing information. Information meaning words, sounds, scents, touch, taste, sight and feelings. But make no mistake they are the smartest people I know. I have met many. She taught us that when he is angry to have him draw his feelings on the paper and rip the paper. There are many ways to process anger in a healthy way. We did a lot of time outs which work best for autistic children because they are thinkers. They need time to think it through. Autistic people think in pictures. They are visual learners. They are usually behind their peers emotionally a couple years. Depending on the level of autism. For instance my son is currently 11 but his emotions are that of an 8 year old. And if he is upset it could decline to that of a 6 year old. Depending on the situation. But that has become far less frequent as he gets older. He has grown so much you wouldn’t know anything was different unless you spent a good amount of time with him.
My son struggles with processing feelings and sounds. Sometimes scents. He is currently in a great program for autistic kids that has helped us tremendously. The teacher uses the color wheel when he struggles with how he is feeling. Red being angry, yellow being sad, green being happy and so on. They have the color wheel online that you can print out. This helped my son communicate how he felt. He would just point to the color. We wanted him to face his feelings and process them correctly. He is now at a point where he can calm down on his own and not have a meltdown. You may already know this stuff or not. I just felt led to say it because I wish someone would have told me earlier on. We went through so many trials and hardships. If I can help someone with this I will.
I don’t know if you’re a dog lover but the best way I can explain what is happening when an autistic person is having an episode is to compare it to how a dog acts. A dog has heighten senses. They hear things you don’t hear and smell things you don’t smell. Everyone knows on Fourth of July to put your dog in a kennel or on a leash because the fireworks hurt their ears. Same thing with autistic people. They have heighten senses. Sounds can hurt their ears. Autistic people get distracted by all the noises and smells and lights etc. They quickly become unfocused. And they can get angry and frustrated. Over it. Depending on the situation. They can only process one thing at a time. So everything is coming at them at once they can get confused and angry. That’s why autistic people don’t learn well in group settings. We bought a sound canceling headset, we use for Fourth of July or the music festival in the park. It keeps our son calm in certain situations. Over the years he has not had to use them as much. Our church even has them in the children’s ministry for kids like him.
Swimming lessons was a big issue for us. We put him in a group setting tell I realized he wasn’t paying attention because all the other babies were distracting him. So we got private lessons. He was a slow learner but he was able to focus more one on one. We always picked the time when less people were in the pool. It took him a few years to be able to swim independently. His dad did a lot of coaching too. The best way for them to learn is one on one. Once they get it, they become unstoppable. Stay with it and you will reap the rewards.
Teaching an autistic kid takes a lot of repetition and a lot of patience. The most difficult years for us were the younger years. He even had trouble with the bathroom. He couldn’t catch a ball. He couldn’t zip his pants or put on a seat belt. This has to do with how the brain communicates with the rest of the body. Occupational therapy helped a lot with this. He has grown so much. Your daughter will too. Just keep loving on her. Congratulate her when she does amazing things. No matter how small.
I will definitely be praying for you. I almost did not click on this post. I didn’t even know what it was about until I clicked on it. I was planning on making dinner. But I guess God had other plans for me. Don’t give up! It’s hard but you can do it. You will see results. Hang in there. The Lord hears us when we cry out. God Bless you and your little girl.

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Thank you so much for sharing your experience!

I’m still going through so many ups and downs dealing with her condition. Christian therapy over zoom was not helpful. We just went to see a psychologist to get her re-diagnosed. Her last diagnosis was when she was 2. We won’t get her official results till about 2 weeks from now but the psychologist basically told me she’s also ADHD, which I suspected.

She also suggested I send her to school because trying to teach her at home would most likely cause more rift between us and is not good for our relationship. However, being in California, I have no other option than to homeschool because of a recent bill that passed
which invalidates our medical exemption beginning this year. (Vaccinations are required for school admissions here in CA, even private schools) Homeschooling her this last year has not been good. We barely got anything done because we are constantly butting heads and we both just end up in tears most days. Her moods and anger have just completely gotten worse ever since I started homeschooling her one on one. I’m starting to feel very hopeless and depressed and trapped.

I am worried about this next school year because we are supposed to homeschool with another family, but if she continues with her aggressive and defiant behavior I am not sure how I can continue teaching her.

Is the autistic program your son is currently in through your school district?

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 Yes, the program is through the school district in Washington State where we live.  Otherwise, I would be homeschooling too. And I did when he was about 6 to 7 years old. And like you it was very frustrating. My son and I butted heads a lot. My husband and I cried many tears on what to do with our sons education. The first few years of his education was extremely difficult. He needed structure and ABA therapy. Lots of reputation which can get exhausting on the parent and teacher part. When we put him back in the school(not the program he is in currently in) just regular school, I was getting constant calls from the school to pick him up. He was running out of the school and butting heads with his teachers. It was scary because he was not self aware and if he started stemming he would just run out in the street. Making it very dangerous. If you cannot find a good aba therapist you can probably find some books on it. We could not afford it out of pocket. Our insurance did not cover it. The program he is currently in has aides and teachers trained in ABA. 
 Also if you do decide to put your daughter in public school request IEp but also a **BIP** which is not offered usually by schools unless you ask for it. Its a Behavior Intervention Plan. Which means they cannot expel or suspend your child unless they go through all the BIP steps. It is part of the Individuals with Disabilities **Education** Act, or IDEA law. Its the law the school has to give you a BIP but a lot of people don't know about it because it costs the school district money. So they never tell anyone. We had to find out through lawyers who advocate for special needs kids when the school tried to suspend my child in 1st grade. 

So other tips for dealing with the now: I believe in spanking kids in a healthy way but unfortunately that did not work for my son.
1- Time-outs are the only thing that worked for him. I sent him to his room every time he said mean things or did mean things. You have to show them now before the behavior gets out of hand. I would use few words as possible when they are angry because they are not able to process what you are saying. You have to wait till they calm down and that could take a while. Keep communication simple otherwise they will get frustrated and angry.
2- Also I noticed with my son he does not transition to the next activity unless I warn him. I bought sand timers so he can see visually how much time he has left before we do this or that.
3 -I also got an intercom for my house. My son hangs out downstairs a lot so when I call him for something he literally cannot hear me because he is so hyper focused on whatever he is doing. I started to get mad at him because I thought he was purposely ignoring me. I realized he is in lala land. When I got the intercom he heard me every time and there were no more arguments after that.

Autistic people usually have good intentions but their expressive language and receptive language is not that great. Constant miscommunication which leads to melt downs and tantrums. Fewer words help them a lot. Simple instruction. As they get older this will change.

Whatever you do don’t give up. Make sure your Yes is yes and No is no. If you don’t know say you don’t’ know. Autistic kids thrive on same routine, repetition, and staying constant. Over the years my son has learned better coping skills. He doesn’t need sand timers anymore. If something doesn’t work he is able to bounce back quicker than he did at 6. It will get better for you. Keep asking God in those difficult situations for help. Ask Him about which therapist and which school if you do decide a school. School helped for my son during elementary. But now I think he would be ok in a Christian school or homeschool. It sucks right now because of all the things they are trying to push on our kids. I do think there are special schools for autistic kids in California. But if you can find a Christian one even better. Please look into ABA therapy. Your insurance may cover it.

I will be praying for you and your daughter. You can do this. God is for you. He will never leave you or forsake you. God Bless you sister!

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Praying for you and your daughter :heart: :heart: :heart: