I’m sorry to hear how down you feel. I really feel for you. I’ve gone through, and still go through much the same. This is not an easy journey, huh? It’s such a cliche, I know. But I mean it. Remind yourself that you’re not alone, many sisters and brothers share the same kinds of difficulties right now. It’s not alarming, it’s not undesired either, as the Lord often uses these periods of times in our life to work up on some deep issues we have. So trust in His work that will not stop! Even when you feel like it. Remind yourself also about the words of God that tell us not to be surprised or frightened about the heat of the battle we’re facing. It’s common for us all here. And it will work much good if we persevere. And persevering is from the Lord too! Just ask.
What I do when I feel utterly dismayed and discouraged, I just “throw myself in the hands of the Lord”. Metaphorically. I stop trying, pushing, struggling, wriggling… I just surrender. I tell Him, “Here I am, please receive me. I’m at the bottom, I’m nothing, and I am a failure, total failure. Please accept me Lord, please receive me, even as I am. When I’m nothing, when I’m empty, when it’s not my own working and my own “wonderfulness”, then it’s all You. Please pick me up, I’m falling, I cannot get up, and the light can’t shine into the depths of this pit, it’s too deep. Please be my Light in this darkness. Please drive away my fears and my dismay. Drive away the darkness. Please strengthen me again, I have no energy in my body, nor my spirit. But I trust myself in your good care, I am waiting, my Lord. Please have your way in me!”
And so on. And the above is my prayer for you, too, I prayed it in my heart as I was typing, meaning you. <3
Remember also that when we’re depressed, it’s normal not to be able to see that things can once again get better. It’s totally natural and normal. It just doesn’t feel good in the moment, does it?? But knowing this, if you remind yourself that in your current condition and situation you can’t see the probability of things getting better again, then it is easier to tolerate. You don’t need to try and push the feeling of hope and seeing into future better times. It’s enough if you can get through today, setting smaller goalposts, not yet into a better, bright future. But just today. Getting through today. Focusing on how to live through just today, throwing yourself in the arms of the Master who once, among other things, stilled the raging sea with His word. He can still the storms of your life, too. Easy for Him.
And very importantly, don’t guilt trip yourself about how you feel now. You don’t need to feel cheerful and happy-happy. This is a journey of many tears and much afflictions to most of us. So don’t fear to cry and feel down. It’s part of this journey, and often a very big part of it. So let it be. Cry to the Lord!
Don’t entertain the kind of self talk where you speak to yourself in a degrading, dismissive manner, like, “I should feel joyful. I should do this. I should do that. I shouldn’t be like this or that”. (of course excluding obvious sins! We should deal with it and not make excuses for it. But even for sins, the Lord will help us when we confess our sins! Beating ourselves up isn’t constructive.)
It’s only going to make you feel worse to beat yourself up mentally. Accept this moment the way it is and look up to the Lord to show you the next step. We’re all so undone and corrupted in many ways, and we carry many wounds that He needs to and He wants to heal. And it’s often quite painful when those old sores are opened and cleaned up, medicated and bound.
I’ve been a total failure all my life. I’m still basically nothing. I’ve been too ill physically and too wounded in my soul, my life kind of went past while I was struggling, and now I’m left with nothing, my health failing, and I’m still nothing.
I used to beat myself up for it, until I realized that I was only making things worse, and I also probably made the Lord sad. If He gave me just a tiny, single talent, no more, no less, then I should accept it and deal with it faithfully. Not complain that I wasn’t given more. It’s not much, to me it seems like nothing, and it used to make me feel like a complete failure, but this is all I have, so this is all I have to deal with. May the Lord bless the tiny talent that I was entrusted with. May I be faithful with it.
And if that’s what it is for you too, don’t worry, be faithful in the very little, very tiny. We aren’t all going to be “big and successful” and with many talents. Some are only given a single talent. As the good Lord Himself chooses, He distributes.
It’s not in those big skills, success and possessions. The way the world sees them. Even many Christians erroneously! For someone it can be the simple heart that thanks the Lord for the new morning. That is a tiny talent well used. And it may be all. So don’t set higher expectations for you or your life that can be met. Sometimes we “fail” and it’s precisely the purpose for our life in the Lord’s plans. Think Joseph. He “failed”; he was thrown in the well, sold to the Egyptians, became a slave for years and even was thrown in prison for no fault of his own. Yet it was all planned by the Lord. He used those circumstances and events to save the entire nation of Israel.
We may not all rise to the spectacular heights and success of Joseph’s latter years, but whatever happens in our lives, it’s well mental health preserving to remind ourselves about Joseph. No beating up ourselves! We don’t know where this will lead us. And along the way, the Lord will train us and cleanse us and heal us. He equips us for the future, and He walks with us along that chosen path. Just like He did with Joseph, and so many others.
I’m sorry this was long and windy! But it was from my heart to yours. I am praying for you dear! May the Lord comfort you and strengthen you. May He give you His peace, peace above all understanding.
Cry! Cry to the Lord! Let the tears flow! Don’t fear feeling down and blue. Allow it to be. It’s OK. It will work it’s function. Read and sing the Psalms, those where the psalmist cries out to the Lord in the agony and despair of his soul. They are lamentations written for our benefit, too. For our days. For our life where we need to cry out and lament. Sometimes without a single positive note, such as in Psalm 88.
I love you! I am praying for you! <3