trousers first, then shoes.
Don’t take any wooden Crypto currency.
Had to upgrade for the new century.
red touching black, safe for Jack. Red touching yellow, kill a fellow
The old coral snake warning very good.
Drink up stream from the herd.
When eating, don’t stick a fork in your eye. It hurts.
Also, don’t eat lava.
If the tire go thumpa, thumpa; you’re gonna pay a chunka change.
Don’t drive on a flat tire or all four
Signal when merging into another lane
Never walk into a ceiling fan shop with a high hairdo
Never forget to check your references
check twice cut once
Pull pin, count to three, then throw grenade, then crouch to ground
I can’t even use the good one, so I’ll improvise.
Snot slinger off the bang switch
Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut because silence can’t be misquoted.
Don’t eat yellow snow and never trust a fart.
“I” always comes before “E” except after “C”
Never bite off more than you can chew.
Fire is hot, don’t touch it.
He who lives in a glass house should get dressed in the dark.
I don’t care how nice the hand soap smells, never walk out of a public restroom smelling your fingers.
Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.
If you stir coconut oil into your kale, it makes it easier to scrape into the trash.
Always open the door before walking through the doorway.
Trust dogs. They always know who to stay away from.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is suspicious.
If You Ever Need to Bury a Body, Plant Endangered Plants Over the Body So It’s Illegal to Dig Up
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
You’ve got to go out on a limb sometimes because that’s where the fruit is.
Don’t play marbles on the freeway during rush hour.
If everybody else is doing it, that is probably a pretty good indication that you shouldn’t be.
don’t ride your bike late at night or you could get hit with a baseball in the face and fall off the bike unconscious and end up in the hospital like i did.
…true story .
( This thread is an excellent idea @staceylovesJesus!! Thank You…I know I needed some laughter in my life .)
All I can humbly offer to even remotely try to compete with the level of genius in everyone’s posts are a few of my favorite “Pearls Before Swine” strips