I have believed in God for as long as I can remember. My parents are believers and they attended church as children but not in their adult life, and so my sisters and I did not ever go to church. My dad was a quiet man. I knew he believed in God but I don’t know if he ever prayed. I knew however that my mum did, so I’ve prayed since childhood.
As I reached my teens the world took hold. Thankfully not too deeply, I wasn’t involved in drink and drugs but enough to begin to lead me down some questionable paths. All the while I prayed every night and tried to be as good a person as I could but in my twenties began to live my life how I wanted. Drinking and parties. A couple of relationships later I was done with the whole scene. I prayed and said to God that I was ready to meet The One now and settle down. I also gave him a long list of what I wanted in a man… Tall, dark, handsome ( I was half joking about that bit), loving, kind, funny… All in all, a silly list. A month later I met my now husband.
I became a mother at 29 and married at 30 and a year after that had our 2nd child. Here’s the turning point…
My 2nd child, didn’t sleep through the night until he was almost 3 years old. The sleepless lights had quite an impact on married life. Coupled with an illness I have called (ulcerative Colitis, a type of bowel disease) I was absolutely on my knees. My husband too, who took on doing alot of the night feeds because I was so ill. My son ( as most toddlers are) was into everything, extremely active. I couldn’t do enough to keep him busy and entertained and boy did I try. Literally sick and tired, I started to become so angry and to my shame would sometimes shout at my children. I hated myself for that as I loved them so much and began to cry out to God for help.
I used to take my son to a playgroup at a local church. A young curate called Matt joined our group to help and would talk to the parents. Well you know what God did? He put the curate, Matt on every street corner. Everywhere I went, he was there. I couldn’t go anywhere without bumping into him.
I would sometimes meet my friend Esther for coffee and we would talk about God. We were sat over coffee talking about how there needed to be a dummies guide to Christianity when who should come walking down towards us from the other end of the coffee shop? Matt. It turned out that he had just been having that exact same conversation with another member of the clergy, about how they could help people that wanted to know more. None of us could believe it. Matt offered to meet my friend and I in the coffee shop to answer our questions every week or so and he did.
I then started to have every thing I’ve done wrong, said wrong, every mistake I had made, brought to my mind over and over again. I thought at the time it was God trying to lead me to repent. When I spoke to Matt he was quick to explain that this was the enemy and explained the difference between how God works and how the enemy works. It made alot of sense to me, the thoughts brought to mind had also come with a feeling that I wouldn’t be forgiven and that I should just give up. Just as I was trying to learn more about God and progress the enemy was there trying to turn me away.
That was the first time I realised that the enemy was real. Now I believed in God so I believed the enemy was real BUT he wasn’t real to me until then. I had always thought I had slipped under the radar as I hadn’t done terrible things but boy was I wrong.
I beleive that what God was saying was, it’s time to come down off that fence and I am so glad I did. My son is now 8 and my daughter is 10 and we talk about Jesus all the time. In fact I even heard them talking to the little boy who lives nextdoor about Jesus.
I’m a little further along on my journey now. I understand the Gospel of Grace and have began to share that with others. I’m still learning all the time though. I started work on my family first, to make sure they knew the gospel and were saved and am now on to friends. Getting the courage to speak to strangers about Jesus next.
When Matt and his wife moved to another area my mother in law took over, helping my friend and I move closer to God. See, my husbands mother is a Christian and her parents are pastors. My husband, turned out to not only be a believer but the most loving, kind and caring person. An incredible father, annoyingly funny and wait for it… 6.5 tall, dark brown hair and olive skinned from his father’s mediterranean and Indian heritage. God sure does have a sense of humour! On a serious note, God has given me everything I’ve ever wanted and more. He is so good to me and I love him with all my heart. My husbands best friend turned out to also be a believer, and his father was a pastor. Last year I was baptisted and my mother in law and my husbands best friend did the dunking while my children watched.
The last thing I have to say about our father in heaven is this. My dad had been generally unwell (nothing diagnosed) and had passed away suddenly a couple of years ago. I don’t know for sure that he was saved. After he had died I was sick to my stomach about his eternity. My wonderful mother in the law rang me out of the blue a couple of days after to see how I was and I told her about my worries. She told me to pray about it and if I felt peaceful then that was my answer. I prayed about it and felt at peace. The night before my dad passed away I had felt compelled to pray about my dad’s salvation so I did. I asked that God reveal himself to my dad so my dad could accept Jesus if he hadn’t already. Because of those two reasons I came to peace. I don’t believe my father in heaven would let me get to the place I am now, only to miss helping my dad gain salvation. I don’t believe that God would encourage me to pray like I did that night knowing I was just hours away from the loss of my father.
My father in heaven is incredible. Our father in heaven is incredible.
Thank you Jesus.