My marriage is falling apart

My husband & I have been really struggling the last three years. It first started with his heavy drinking. Then he had an emotional affair. I feel he has distanced himself from the Lord. I pray my heart out for our marriage. I want to strengthen it but it seems like he does not. We will do good for awhile & then he just moves back into his ways again. It’s breaking my heart. Please pray for my husband James & I.

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Dear Heavenly Father,

Please comfort Amy right now. Thank You that she has reached out for prayer support. Thank You that she has not given up on her husband , even after his betrayal of her trust.

Lord, would you please help James and Amy to be the kind of couple that you want them to be: James loving his wife, as Christ loved the church, and Amy respecting her husband.

Sometimes, Lord, that respect is hard to come by, has to be unconditional and a wife has to depend on You for grace to be able to show respect. Sometimes a wife has to look to the Lord for love while waiting for her husband to remember his vows and the strong love that drew them together in the first place.

Please bring other believers to encourage Amy and come alongside her as she seeks to depend on You in this difficult situation.

Asking this in the Name of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.
Amen.

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I am agreeing in prayer with @Pax and I will also pray for you and your husband. :pray: :pray: :pray:

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Dear sister Amy. My heart goes out to you!:heart:
I have been where you are in similar circumstances. I made many mistakes-mostly trying to ‘fix’ everything.
Keep praying and trusting that the Lord is at work even when you cannot see anything. You will get through this. Stay in the word and pray for your peace of mind as well.

Heavenly Father, we lift up Amy to You. The One who knows all things and has power to bring about good out of the painful situations in our lives. Bring peace to Amy’s heart and mind, help her see any changes she needs to make but not beat herself up.
Help James see and work through any resentment that he may have stuffed for so long that it finally has to come out.
Help Amy convey to her husband that she is for him and their marriage and that James would be receptive to her wooing, gentle love.

Mighty God, help Amy deal with the pain of betrayal and insecurity that it brings. It cuts so deep. Help her feel Your love every single minute in amazing ways.
And finally bring healing and wholeness to her marriage. In Jesus’ name amen.

Deuteronomy 33:12
New International Version
12 About Benjamin he said:

“Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him,
for he shields him all day long,
and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.”

Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, For in You do I trust; Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, For I lift up my soul to You. (Psalm 143:8 NKJV)

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We are not perfect.
We have to be extremely patient with everybody.
Not always easy!

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Hello Amy @AdR4Jesus,
I will join Pax @Pax and Letitia @Anchored in their prayers and advice. Stand strong, pray for your husband and pray for God to use you as a loving witness and helpmate to him.

I know it’s not easy to forgive someone who has betrayed you. And it seems impossible to forgive someone who consistently hurts you and never seems to truly repent. It’s hard to love someone who doesn’t seem to love you or want your love (on a continuing basis). But you can forgive and love your husband Amy; you can do these things with the help of God’s Holy Spirit. But you must make a conscious decision to forgive and love as often as that choice comes up. Daily, hourly, minute by minute, if necessary. You see, forgiving and loving aren’t rooted in how you feel, but in what and who you are committed to. Ask for wisdom and ability in this matter Amy; it will be given to you. Your Father has promised! Your family will be in my prayers.
Shalom

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We have been married 24 years. I think he is a very good man. I completely forgive him. I keep the hours of 10 am to 2 pm for him because he wants me to designate that time for him before he goes to work. And Saturday. I get up at 4 am when he gets home so he can talk about his night at work. I leave him love letters. I even left him one last night. He just seems like he hates me. I take care of everything so all he has to do is work. I would do anything for him as long as in doesn’t go against God. I am willing to do even more for him because I love him very much.

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Praying for you Amy - this is a battleground that satan loves to roam.

12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

Colossians 3

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I completely echo the prayers posted on your behalf.
:hibiscus:Amy :hibiscus:

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Hi Amy,

i’ve never been married but through the years when i have met Christian guys, i always thought at first that he might just be the one and it always turns out that he wasn’t the one and i’ve cried myself to sleep so many nights wondering why God hasn’t answered my prayers for me to have a Godly man in my life… i have been single for 30 plus years and protected by my Heavenly Father. I now understand why he never answered my prayers, because he wanted me to love Jesus more than anyone else. For most of my life, i thought i would be happy and complete if i only had a very special Godly man in my life but God was trying to tell me all along that only Jesus can make me happy and make feel complete in Him. So, i’m sorry you’re going thru this with your husband but i believe God is trying to redirect you to cling to Jesus for everything, only Jesus can love you the way you need to be loved. I will pray for God’s will to be done in your marriage and in the meantime, let Jesus fill you with His love. i thank God everyday for His love because i don’t want to get married to anyone here, only Jesus.
I hope what i just shared with you helps.
May God bless you and may God keep you :yellow_heart:

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You are so right! I feel the Lord has been trying to tell me that today. A person will fail us all the time but Jesus won’t. I just need to finish this race for Him & just do the best I can with an imperfect spouse. Just like I am imperfect. Even if he does bad things I’m going to fulfill my vows that I promised to God even if it’s hard. All I can do is the best I can & whatever choices my husband makes, he will have to answer for, just like me.

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You sound like a very good wife Amy @AdR4Jesus, and after reading your last post (answering Stacey @staceylovesJesus, you sound like a wise woman.

What you described, in your response to me, reminds me of a lesson I learned some time ago. Maybe it will help you. Please know I’m not suggesting that you start or stop doing anything but I do suggest that every day you ask God to help you be the wife that your husband needs (even though it seems you are). That prayer made all the difference in my marriage and I too was very attentive to my husband’s needs. Anyways, good advice I got from a very wise counselor:

Think of a relationship like a line with spouses at each end. They should ideally be heading to meet in the middle. Depending on life circumstances, sometimes one spouse travels further across than the other; such is the blessing of partnership. Sometimes though, traveling further across becomes a habit for one partner, leaving less space for the other to travel. Sometimes that habit becomes the new normal even though it’s not as healthy as the preferred meet-in-the-middle situation that happens when both people have the option (and sometimes privilege or obligation) to travel further. When one person does it all, that thoroughness can encourage their partner to become lazy or resentful. And it’s not always easy to see when you’re one of the people on the line.

I’m NOT saying this is your relationship; I am saying it’s a good analogy of any relationship. You said you sense there is a problem in your relationship. The best advice I can give is to pray. I can’t even tell you what changed specifically in my marriage— but there was a profound difference after I began to ask God (every day) to help me be the wife my husband needed. BTW, we’ve been married for 37 years now.

The other thing that has totally changed our life is praying and reading the Bible together every morning before Hubbydude goes to work. I asked him to do this and showed him that Biblically he is the head of our home, our marriage and our corporate worship. I give him notes on people I want to include in our prayers (for you I will write, “Amy and her family, especially for her marriage”). We have the Bible on CD and listen to a chapter each morning, going through book by book. If there is something hard to understand, I study it that day and we talk about it while we’re making his coffee, breakfast and lunch the next morning. For instance, we’re reading Matthew. In 12:46-50 Jesus’ mother and brothers come to see Him and He does not recognize their relationship. Hubbydude asked, “So Jesus disrespected His mother?” I read some commentaries and we discussed how those verses are understood to show that kingdom relationships are more real/ more important than earthly ones, even those of blood. We have been so very blessed by this practice!

God bless you Amy. May our Father in Heaven open your husband’s heart so that he can become the husband that you need, as you work on being the wife he needs. And may you both come together to worship our Lord, putting Him in the center of your lives, individually and together. May the Name of Yeshua be lifted high on the earth and in the heavens! In His Name we pray, amen.

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Thank you. That was very encouraging. I do need to pray that he is willing to read the Bible with me. He has moved away from wanting to do that. He has distanced himself from God right the last three years. He told me recently that he is just not as close to God as I am & that makes me so sad. I encourage him but I know I can’t push it. The most he is willing to do right now is watch JD sermon with me. But that’s about it. I think he is just going through a hard time spiritually. I will have mine out reading & I have been praying that one day he will be willing to do it with me.

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Totally understand. When I first approached Hubbydude, he wasn’t too keen on the idea. He walked in on me praying (on my knees) with door shut a couple times. I didn’t plan it— just happened. But not long after the second oops he asked me when I wanted to start praying and reading together. We started with each of us taking turns praying, but that too has evolved.

Listening to a sermon is a good start Amy! Applaud him and then connect something from that sermon to a different one. I also listen to sermons while I cook or iron. Used to turn them off when he came inside. Don’t do that anymore; I keep listening. (The line thing) Notice that he usually listens in too. God’s Word will not return to Him void, but it will accomplish His will.
Shalom

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Praying for you dear Amy. When the one we love most in this world has betrayed us, it is devastating. I have never experienced that, but my heart aches for you and what you are going thru. Everyone here has such compassion for you and your situation, so with God and all your brothers and sisters in the Lord, you are in good hands.

I am agreeing with all here for a miracle and asking the Lord to change James’s heart and give you a love for him that it will even surprise you! I also ask that the Lord show you how to pray for him and help him to see Jesus in you and His love which is pretty hard to resist, amen? We are all standing in the gap for you, even if you cannot pray for him at times, know that we will be holding you up in prayer.

With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3

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Amy have you read this book? and have you seen the movie?
Fireproof https://g.co/kgs/bjahcU
The Love Dare https://g.co/kgs/7CQPXd⁰

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We both watched Fireproof & read love dare together years ago. I think it will be good to do again.

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My heart goes out to you. I have gone through what you are going through right now. Yes, I prayed for my husband and my kids. I understand the insanity that befalls a home with an alcoholic. I encourage you seek out an Alanon meeting. You can hear how others in your same situation are handling it. You will be adding the serenity prayer to your life.

Maybe when he begins to see changes in you he might seek out AA.

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@Allison
I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for posting on JD’s Forum, especially to pray for someone you don’t even know. There will be a treasure waiting for you later on down the road. Many of us call this our church home, and we hope you will enjoy it too.
Agape,
Ken
Now back to praying.

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Praying for your marriage right now. Something stood out to me when you said he acts like he hates you. Maybe there is a stirring in his heart right now that you don’t know about and he is lashing out. I remember something like this in the book “Created to be His Helpmeet”. I know you are already doing these things but maybe the book would encourage you? It has stories of how women’s husbands turned around with love and I remember one was from the husbands letter and it was similar that he was acting mean but all the while in awe of his wife.

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