When I woke up this morning, again with a heavy heart, I started my day with prayer, then I sat down and read Romans, Chapter 2. After that I sat at the computer and read your response.
God is good to us. When I prayed to God this morning, I asked for wisdom and discernment. What I read from you resonates with both those concepts. I see discernment and wisdom in what you shared with me. Thank you for taking the time.
In my prayer this morning, I offered up my marriage before the throne of God and asked the Lord for his will to be done in my marriage, not my will, not my husband’s will, but specifically God’s will. I struggle with this relationship as well. I honestly don’t know sometimes if I am to speak, to be quiet, to turn left or to turn right.
I won’t go into the details about my marriage except to say this right now. I have been married to my current husband for 25 years. Before that I was a single mother who just got out of an extremely dangerous and terrible marriage of 4 years.
The desire of my heart was to marry a Christian man and initially my current husband went to church with me, got baptized and for all appearances I was married to a Christian man. Over time, we quit going to church because he didn’t want to anymore and I went along with that, which was a big mistake for me to make.
Fast forward to current circumstances. I am married to a man who gets angry about me listening to pastor JD’s sermons, who refuses to read the bible because he doesn’t like reading, and accuses me of potentially killing people with my position about vaccinations (he is double jabbed). Needless to say, my home feels more like a battle field then a sanctuary at times.
I can’t go to my husband for spiritual or emotional support even though I keep trying, but God. I can pray to God. I can choose to listen to pastors online and I can come to this forum to fellowship with like-minded Christians.
As I said to my husband yesterday, when it comes to obeying him or obeying God there is no contest. I will choose to obey God. That could be one of those moments when, perhaps, I should have held my tongue, but that was my response to him putting down the pastors that I listen to online, such as Brandon Holthaus and J.D. Farag. Clearly, there is a spiritual battle going on here.
Yes, I agree with you that God loves our children more than we do, and I agree that we need to put them in His hands. I believe this is especially important when they wander away from us and God.
Thank you for opening up and sharing about your own children. I also know the pain of estrangement when it comes to my one and only grandchild and her mother (my youngest daughter). Since you have shared, I will pray for you and your family.
has an override button, and a lot of patience.
