I am 47 years old today. My family came over from Spain. My grandfather was born in 1901. He came to America when he was about 18 years old. He grew up in socialism. Sometimes his family had to eat rats just to stay alive. He loved America because he loved the idea of owning his own home and business. My family are orthodox catholic. Please be aware there is orthodox and protestant catholic. Protestant are more accepting of Christian views while orthodox are not. My father believes all other religions are cults including Born Again Christians. (Laughable to me now that I am saved)
Anyways, I am telling you all this because I want you to understand the culture I grew up in. I grew up in a very old fashion Spanish culture. Women are not ever to work outside the home. They are to stay home and cook and take care of the babies. Are education was never valued as much as the man’s education. I was not even allowed to raise the American Flag on the Flag pole, because my father said it’s a man’s job. In our culture it is important to produce a boy to carry on the family name.
My Caucasian mother had three daughters. By this time my father was an alcoholic and cheating on her publicly with prostitutes. My Spanish Grandmother told her to turn the other cheek and deal with it because that is what men do. My mother took the advice and decided to try for another baby so she could save her marriage by producing a boy. 1974 they did not have a way to tell what gender you were having. The odds were in her favor though because she had three girls already. She picked out the name Louie for the boy. Well out came me a girl. They did not even have a girl name ready just in case. So my mother handed me over to her three little girls to name.
From then on out I was treated horribly. Everyone blamed me for my parents’ divorce and for not being a boy. I suffered from severe neglect, physical and emotional abuse. I wasn’t even allowed to use a toilet. I was forced to use a coffee can (I am not saying this for sympathy because I am no victim) Jesus has healed me from all this. Each day is a battle. But I am a warrior in Christ and I must keep fighting. Some days can be hard but I refuse to be a victim. (I tell you these personal things for people who may be going through something horrific. I want them to know Christ can heal all things)
When I became a Christian at the age of 21 my father screamed and yelled at me for joining a cult.
My father and I have had a toxic relationship. I cut my family off when I got married and had a son. Because I did not want my son learning bad things or treating women disrespectfully. I wanted him to grow up knowing the Lord in the healthiest way possible.
My dad is 90 years old. His only two brothers passed away recently. His older brother and his younger brother. He said he doesn’t understand why God has not taken him yet. He searches his catholic bible for answers. I have already witnessed to my dad years ago (numerous times) and came to terms with him not accepting Christ into his life. I gave it to the Lord. It was too emotional for me to have to keep getting yelled at for leaving the Catholic Church.
After Christmas I stopped talking to my dad because he stopped talking to me. And I was tired emotionally of putting myself out there. I have my own family to think about. My father is not an easy man.
He wrote me a letter recently saying that his priest told him to write me. He said in the letter that he was old and did not have much longer to live and did not want to leave this earth without us reconciling. I have not written back as of yet. He texted me today to wish me a Happy Birthday. Mind you, my father has never in his entire life wished me a happy birthday. I just don’t know how to respond to him because he can be hostile.
Please help. I have ran out of things to say to my father. He has hurt me so much. I will probably write him a letter but I want the letter to matter this time. I want to include Jesus this time. I want the letter to be from Jesus not me. I feel like I mess up every time I witness about Christ to people. They get angry or never respond. I don’t feel like I am good at it. I don’t even know if I should bother. Has anyone been in this situation before?
Any prayer would help.