Prayer and advice-Old School Culture

I am 47 years old today. My family came over from Spain. My grandfather was born in 1901. He came to America when he was about 18 years old. He grew up in socialism. Sometimes his family had to eat rats just to stay alive. He loved America because he loved the idea of owning his own home and business. My family are orthodox catholic. Please be aware there is orthodox and protestant catholic. Protestant are more accepting of Christian views while orthodox are not. My father believes all other religions are cults including Born Again Christians. (Laughable to me now that I am saved)

Anyways, I am telling you all this because I want you to understand the culture I grew up in. I grew up in a very old fashion Spanish culture. Women are not ever to work outside the home. They are to stay home and cook and take care of the babies. Are education was never valued as much as the man’s education. I was not even allowed to raise the American Flag on the Flag pole, because my father said it’s a man’s job. In our culture it is important to produce a boy to carry on the family name.

My Caucasian mother had three daughters. By this time my father was an alcoholic and cheating on her publicly with prostitutes. My Spanish Grandmother told her to turn the other cheek and deal with it because that is what men do. My mother took the advice and decided to try for another baby so she could save her marriage by producing a boy. 1974 they did not have a way to tell what gender you were having. The odds were in her favor though because she had three girls already. She picked out the name Louie for the boy. Well out came me a girl. They did not even have a girl name ready just in case. So my mother handed me over to her three little girls to name.

From then on out I was treated horribly. Everyone blamed me for my parents’ divorce and for not being a boy. I suffered from severe neglect, physical and emotional abuse. I wasn’t even allowed to use a toilet. I was forced to use a coffee can (I am not saying this for sympathy because I am no victim) Jesus has healed me from all this. Each day is a battle. But I am a warrior in Christ and I must keep fighting. Some days can be hard but I refuse to be a victim. (I tell you these personal things for people who may be going through something horrific. I want them to know Christ can heal all things)
When I became a Christian at the age of 21 my father screamed and yelled at me for joining a cult.

My father and I have had a toxic relationship. I cut my family off when I got married and had a son. Because I did not want my son learning bad things or treating women disrespectfully. I wanted him to grow up knowing the Lord in the healthiest way possible.

My dad is 90 years old. His only two brothers passed away recently. His older brother and his younger brother. He said he doesn’t understand why God has not taken him yet. He searches his catholic bible for answers. I have already witnessed to my dad years ago (numerous times) and came to terms with him not accepting Christ into his life. I gave it to the Lord. It was too emotional for me to have to keep getting yelled at for leaving the Catholic Church.

After Christmas I stopped talking to my dad because he stopped talking to me. And I was tired emotionally of putting myself out there. I have my own family to think about. My father is not an easy man.

He wrote me a letter recently saying that his priest told him to write me. He said in the letter that he was old and did not have much longer to live and did not want to leave this earth without us reconciling. I have not written back as of yet. He texted me today to wish me a Happy Birthday. Mind you, my father has never in his entire life wished me a happy birthday. I just don’t know how to respond to him because he can be hostile.

Please help. I have ran out of things to say to my father. He has hurt me so much. I will probably write him a letter but I want the letter to matter this time. I want to include Jesus this time. I want the letter to be from Jesus not me. I feel like I mess up every time I witness about Christ to people. They get angry or never respond. I don’t feel like I am good at it. I don’t even know if I should bother. Has anyone been in this situation before?

Any prayer would help.
Thank you


I want you to know you are loved and I so much appreciate your being open and vulnerable here and sharing your pain and Jesus mercies on your past.

I too have a father that does not value women, but not to the extreme your father does. My father does know Jesus but still treats me as less than. I have many time spoken to my father and have come to the conclusion that it is only in my letting God love him through me that I can talk to him.

I call it a love sandwich, tell him about God’s love for you and what he has done in your life, explain some of the heartaches you have overcome and healed from and then close it with the love of Jesus as the catalyst that helped you forgive and heal.

Opening yourself up and letting God speak the words to him through you may just be the thing he needs. Just like in the movie “A Case for Christ.” she prayed Ezekiel 36:26. God can take his heart of stone and give him a heart of flesh.

I will be praying that with you. Never give up! It is Christ living in You that is sometimes the only witness people will see.

God bless you and know you have a sister in Christ who loves you very much.


Is there a way you can visit him in person, look into his eyes and have a conversation rather than through a letter? I know this would be terribly difficult, given the pain he’s put you through. But if you could put that aside, for the sake of the gospel, I always am for meeting in person, rather than misinterpretations that occur through the written word. Reconciliation is a hard thing and it takes two. It sounds like he is trying. Remember, also, that forgiveness and reconciliation are two completely different things. I will pray that your father finally accepts Jesus as his Savior and that God gives you the words to help facilitate receiving this precious gift. God Bless


Thank you very much for being understanding. I have never seen that movie and will have to check it out.
Thank you for the prayers.


Thank you Nalberts. I have found that writing to my father works better than talking in person. But I do agree with you about face to face. I prefer that. But my father always responded better to letters. I think because he has to read it and let it soak in. Process it.

Thank you for your prayers that means a lot. God Bless



I can’t begin to relate to your past or present circumstances, much less truly empathise with your pain in this situation.

But we know that the true and living God who dwelt among us in flesh and suffered the rejection of relatives, persecution from peers and condemnation of crowds can empathise and overcome these greatest divisions by His finished works.

Therefore I pray in the name of Christ that this be resolved according to His merciful will.

Yours In Christ


Prayers for you, Robyn, on your birthday. :hugs: I pray that you will be comforted as you contemplate these painful realities in your life and I pray for God’s encouragement as you continue to move forward.

Evangelism is kind of a funny thing. In the end, God does all the hard work. :hugs:

Diane has made a most excellent observation.

God is always calling, always knocking on the door of the heart. We are ambassadors that, should it please Him, may personally witness the entrance of the newly saved into the heavenly kingdom. Sometimes we quietly plant a seed and know not that we have done so. Or perhaps we will water another’s planted seed with our words and/or actions…someone else may harvest.

Along with our other brothers and sisters, I say…

You are dearly loved here–and most purely–by our Creator. :heart:


Robyn first of all happy birthday.

I am very moved by your testimony, and I pity your father. God bless you for hanging in there and for asking for prayer and advice.

The greatest gift you can give your father right now is the gift of forgiveness, so that when he goes, he will go in peace. I say this for your sake because it does not sound like he will be here much longer.

You still have the rest of your life to live. Our Lord when asked how many times should one forgive his brother (and they were trying to trap him in his answer) basically said forever.

By forgiving him you will clear your own conscience for the future once he goes. This is to your psychological benefit.

In your letter bring up some of the funny things that happened to him, or to the family, or individual members, when you were growing up.

By virtue of the fact that a priest told him to write you, he probably heard is confession, or gave him his last rights if he is dying. This means that he is now free from his past sins, and the letter to you is part of his penitence.

Your father knows who God is and who Jesus is if he is an orthodox catholic. I have never heard the terms orthodox catholic or protestant catholic by the way. But I think I understand what you are getting at. He is very old school Catholic. Grew up with the mass in Latin, never read the Bible.

All Catholics believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Savior of mankind. So, you don’t need to preach the good news to him. I believe you when you say that he views all other religions as cults. Remember as Christion’s we are not to doubt someone’s salvation in this situation.

So, in your letter talk about how wonderful heaven is going to be and how glad you will be to see him and all your other relative there.

Under videos on the main page Pastor Mac just did two videos on Heaven. I would recommend that you watch them, take notes, and then use what you learn in your letter to him.

It should be a personal letter to him alone without asking about anyone else.

God Bless you, I know you will do a fine job that you will never regret. I will be praying for you both.




Robyn! Happy Birthday, girl! I read your post and let me tell ya, I cannot begin to even visualize your past life. I can’t visualize your father’s past either.

But, I mean no disrespect to you with what I’m about to write. As I am sure in your life you may have been in a situation where you had a falling out with someone, but then asked forgiveness, or been asked to forgive and being as you have written, I’m sure you did just that…forgive them. Yeah your history is a cold prickly and not a warm fuzzy with your dad. For that I can understand. Not to your extent however.

While stubborn, he is reaching out to you and as a Christian, we are to love our neighbors as ourselves, yes. We are to honor our father and mother, yes, but we are in need of letting go of that yoke of oppression and turmoil that has kept us anchored towards someone we just can’t get past the visual we see of them. Yet we must. Christ died for your dad do, even if he doesn’t believe in it. Ask yourself, would you like to live out your remaining days or hours living in perpetual reminders of how wrong you were to someone and offering an olive branch, they smack it away or ignore it? Nah, you wouldn’t.

Place the turmoil and the emotions towards your dad at the foot of that cross and know Christ died for that too. To ease it from his life AND yours. If one accepts that gift, it was not done in vain. Maybe your dad sees the light. Maybe this is a gift from God to you to place one last message to your dad. I almost feel like writing the letter myself for ya lol.

Maybe in a way I will?

Dear Merciful and Loving Heavenly Father
We kneel before You today in hopes we can help Robyn with the tattered rope that connects her dad to her. Bless Robyn with guidance and warmth of heart as she enters a moment in time of saying goodbye to her earthly dad one last time. As Christ Himself died upon that cross on Calvary, He died for all of us who believe, and those who do not believe. He died as a sacrifice for our wickedness and lawlessness towards You. He came to make the dead live, not bad people good.

While we comprehend Your gift cannot be forced upon anyone, we desperately pray we can find a way to reach the lost and guide them to our Shepherd though no matter how stubborn they are. Bless Robyn’s dad with an opening in his heart to be guided out of the prison he has made for himself and into the loving arms of our true Lord and Savior. Bless Robyn with the true Christian heart to penn a letter of love and farewell to her earthly dad, as she prays that somehow, through a miracle only You can provide, his last breath on earth will be his first in Heaven.

Bless Robyn with a forgiveness in her heart that rivals all others so she can relinquish this burdensome yoke oppressing her and take up her cross with You and know your burden is light. To know to forgive is a divine gift of itself and the releasing of that pain will be finally burned up in fire. May this moment bring forth the purist in Robyn’s heart and mind and deliver to her, if You will, please, the right words to write to her dad, through the Holy Spirit, one last time.

We pray this in Jesus’ name


Thank you so much for this. Sometimes I need to be reminded that it is not me but Christ.



I absolutely agree with you about forgiveness. I have told him even. Which I think is why we are at where we are at. I believe God wants me to tell him about Jesus one last time. I think Jesus is the only thing I have left to give. God Bless you and thank you for your prayers.


Thank you Jon for this wonderful prayer!

This is going to sound weird or not, but I actually love my dad and don’t want him to go to hell. I want him to have heaven as his final destination. I have prayed for him every night for 26 years. It has taken me a long time to get to a place where I don’t even hate him. It takes a lot more energy to hate someone than to love them. Hating someone is exhausting and weighs your own soul down. I think I am going to send him the ABC’s of salvation. I am going to print it off this site and mail it to him along with a letter.

I also want to thank everyone for being so kind and loving. You have helped me a lot. More than you know. If we don’t meet in this life, your all invited to the mansion Jesus made for me in heaven for coffee? I wonder if heaven will have coffee. Definitely water. lol

I can’t wait for the future kingdom!


Maaaan, you got that right! It took me awhile to get from praying for the Lord to punish those who’ve wronged me, to blessing them with understanding and guidance. Bumpy road but it was well traversed by so many others lol.

I think that’s a perfect idea to send the ABC’s to your dad! nothing wrong in reading that! Nothing wrong with reading a boo…wait, I saw that movie…um, never mind. It doesn’t apply here.


I just wanted to give an update.

I finally wrote my father. Because he is at the end of his life, I decided to give him Jesus. I have felt God calling me to preach to him one last time. My father keeps saying I don’t know why God is keeping me around still. I have a feeling I know why. I don’t know if my dad will respond positively to the letter but I felt God wanted to see if I would do it for Him. Like I was being tested. But maybe God really wants to use me to reach my dad. I sent the letter yesterday. It took me almost a week to write it. I used a lot of bible verses and less about me. I wanted it to be Gods word not mine.

Now I pray God gives him ears to hear and a humble heart.


Heaven forever. Ur message touched me sooo much. I sooo identify with this but just write to ur dad explaining what Jesus has done for u. Only when the Spirit tells u to speak, I was told then only do I speak as often they feel we r just preaching or judging them. Let him know how much u love ur dad. Yes we r to b bold for Christ but I personally feel when u write to ur dad, speak about what God has done for u. I’m praying for u that the Spirit wld give u wisdom/direction

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