Update On Me From My Previous Post

First I would like to thank everyone for their prayers. I appreciate each nd every one. I came here a month ago pretty beaten down, afraid I was going to be cast out from God’s love and be unfit to go anywhere but hell. I’d like to tell you what has been happening in hopes that prayers will continue to help me fight this battle.
I was blind sided by a message of hello from a man a few months ago that I had had an affair with years ago. I am not proud of it and have changed a lot since that time. My faith is strong and I never want to do anything unpleasing to God. After corresponding back and forth a couple times with pleasantries, he finally got to the point and asked if I would like to get together with him. I had no trouble saying no and was very uncomfortable but at the same time I was honest with myself in that it made me feel good that he had contacted me (ego). I told him I would not cheat on my husband and it was wrong, that I was a changed person and had faith and did not want to sin, He said he understood and we have had no contact since.
I have been doing a lot of praying since. I did not tell my husband because I knew it would greatly upset him and do not want him to contact this man. I felt I handled it well and he got the message loud and clear.
My issue, my temptation, is I now find myself thinking about him. I have no thoughts of contacting him but it bothers me that I even think of him. I know I should not and know it is wrong and not pleasing to God. I feel so guilty for having even thoughts of him. I have prayed continuously about this and asked His forgiveness. Please continue to pray for me, that I will be delivered from these feelings and can move on. I had no idea I would have this reaction still. I know Satan is hard at work here attacking me where I am most vulnerable. I am doing much better but still struggle with thoughts. Thank you saints, I want to go up into heaven with all of you!


I’m going to plunge into what you’re dealing with in something I can relate to. I’ve had thoughts of my past that pop up out of nowhere. I’ve thought of ex’s all of which wronged me. I’m not married or with anyone but I don’t want to think of those people nor my past. I know there is a chance of entertaining these thoughts. But I work at not doing so. Do I still talk to one or two ex’s? Yes but the great thing is, we don’t talk of the past and we talk about God now. No “feelings” there.

So, why do I bring this up? The entertaining of the thoughts. You are fighting pretty hard it seems, but those thoughts keep coming. Visualize, if you will, as I do, physically seeing a thought entering your mind and you grab it and squeeze tightly. You drag it kicking and screaming to the foot of a old rugged cross and place it on the ground at the foot of that cross and you call out:

Loving Heavenly Father
I place this thought at your feet to deal with for me as I have already asked forgiveness of this sin and You have forgiven me of it. I want nothing to do with it. Please take it from me.

I pray this in Jesus’ name

Then, have some fun with the demon placing these thoughts in your head.
You know the song Frere’ Jacque?
Use these for the first round of lyrics…then make up your own as you go along.

:microphone:I am strongest
With my Lord
God is good
God is good
Jesus is my Savior
Jesus is my Savior
Glory to Him
Glory to Him

You keep singing that and believe me, the demons leave pretty fast. Chances are that song gets stuck in their head as it will you and they can’t shake it.

Visualizing this situation in my head, like a cartoon, helps me a lot. Will it heal you equally? I don’t know but I hope so.


If you confessed your sin, God is faithful to forgive you. You do not need to continue to ask for forgiveness of sin that no longer exists. God remembers it no more.

The reaction you are having is very normal. The reason this man re-contacted you is obvious, he wanted to seduce you once more. But you said no! Excellent now understand you did not sin again. But by virtue of the fact he hit on you again you are now having past memories resurface.

This is the same for all people who do not understand that God intended marriage to be between one man and one woman for life. When the two bond they become one flesh with that person. Think of it as 1/2 of you is given to the other person. People who have had multiple partners have very little left over to give to their current spouse, so it requires both extra effort and time to heal from the past.
This is why God intended for the bond to be given once to one mate.
Your issue is temptation. Temptation is NOT sin.
I will be praying that the Lord settle this in your mind.
Now go Love your husband, and go in peace.


i completely understand the struggle in my own way. though there has been no infidelity outwardly, I struggle with my heart issues when it comes to people of the past.

in my experience the best cure for the spot youre in- where you have this secret that you know would hurt your husband in some way- is unfortunately, to tell him about it. let him know upfront that you have something you’ve been hiding out of concern for his feelings and wanting to solve it and move on. then tell him what happened and if you have the evidence to show him, be ready to show him. though he will feel hurt in whatever way it hits him, my experience always shows that once you go through that very difficult conversation- in a humbling, patient, and loving manner- he will forgive you, and you will find there is relief very soon, and that will lead to you being able to detach from it very soon. it works every time. I go through it periodically in one way or another. being open with your husband, however scary, really is the key and it will stop those stewing thoughts in their tracks.

I have much more to say but I will stop there as to let my first thoughts sink in. I completely empathize with your heart struggle and I fully believe the antidote is to admit that to your husband, and work on making it a habit to let him know when feelings strike your heart. if you make it clear to him that he is your priority and that you don’t like when those thoughts come to you, his awareness will keep you in check and it will happen less often and it will become easier. much love and prayer for you!!

additionally , one last thing - if you take this advice to some degree, I want to challenge you to, in the future, tell your husband before going on a forum like this. closed doors caused problems and he should be the first to know when you have feelings for someone else. I feel bad about frequently remembering the father of my first child (that we aborted and it’s so heartbreaking), but in the moment I tell my husband that once again I feel hurt by the breakup with that guy, which happened over 10 years ago, and my husband comforts me for it, because he’s been there too and he appreciates that I dont hide it from him. we become closer and stronger all the time because of open communication even when it leads to a bitter fight. okay I’m done now lol I just really relate and want to help you and ensure you feel understood and redeemable on this- deliverance is near!! <3


Personally, I really respect your being so honest. The good thing about that is it shows you want accountability.

As others have said, these thoughts about your ex are spiritual attacks. Pray, pray, pray, stay in God’s Word and continue to fellowship, if not with us, then with other like-minded believers.

Satan is working overtime these days to break up marriages and families. My father-in-law is going through a divorce, but at the same time starting to get friendly with his first wife (my husband’s mother). When my husband told me about the recent interactions, I told my husband, “Your dad needs to be VERY careful and guard his heart when it comes to your mom.” Father in law is Christian, but mother-in-law is backslidden. Not like that makes any difference because the point is my FIL is still legally married.

I would even go as far as getting off any social media platform that your ex is on. Block his phone number then delete the contact in your phone.

Recently I found out an old boyfriend had looked at my Linked In page. I deleted my account. I’m not on FB anymore and my Twitter and Instagram are anonymous.

Ask for God to give you a renewed love for your husband while putting a lack of interest for your ex in your heart.

Thank you for being so vulnerable with us sister.


You are so right about being honest with our spouses. When I saw that my ex was looking at my Linked In account, I told my husband and that told him I deleted the account. He was understanding. He didn’t expect me to delete my account, but I told him that I had to out of respect for our marriage.

I will pray for your healing too. :innocent:


I agree!!!

here’s actually what I wrote about this the other day, “Satan may be able to use my memories of Josh against me and Tyler, but he’s losing this battle”:

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BEAUTIFUL!! great example. thank you so much for praying for me too <3 it seems like part of me will always be attached to past men in some way, and so I really really love having your prayer coverage on that. thank you.


Thank you for all the replies. I wanted to be very honest because how can I grow in God’s strength and ask for His help if I am not honest, especially with myself? He does not have my phone number nor on any of my social media. He made a fake profile on Fb to contact me by messenger. I did not see the message for two months and wish I had not responded but I did… I believe this is teaching me something because God always does. He has never let me down and always helped me when I asked.
I am taking the advice given here and appreciate your continued prayers and messages of support. I actually cried when I read them.


aww!! <3 I think you’ve got a good handle on this.

you’ve got it <3 continued prayers for you Jane.


Well shoot, I was hoping for a chuckle. Not to make ya cry. Unless in joy through laughter, then I could see that. You did the right thing, Jane. You’re on a good path here. Keep at it and I bet you have helped someone who read this update with similar situations with faith and hope, or circumstances. May the Lord shine a joyful beam of heavenly light upon your soul and know, things are going to His plan.


Thank you Jon, you always know how to say just the right thing! They were sad tears but they also gave me hope.
I decided it was best to come be transparent because how can I get help and prayer if I am not honest to myself and to God? Also as you stated, I know I am not the only person in the world going through this, in fact I think there are many who struggle with temptation of the flesh whether it be sex with another, pornography, etc. Probably one of the biggest temptations out there I imagine. I wish we had a magic button we could hit anytime we have unpure thoughts. I guess we would not need God if we did, right?
I have been doing what you suggested, throwing these thoughts at Jesus feet at the cross and that does help!


Former, I am so sorry for what your father-in-law is going through and how it affects your family. I have no doubt Satan is working overtime and doubling down because he knows his time is short. No matter what or who we are we all need to get as close to God as possible and keep his cloak or amour over us for safety. I know it is only going to get worse. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words!

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Now I got teary-eyes too! In a good way :joy::relaxed: You should have hope indeed. With God anything is possible and I know the Holy Spirit will guide your words when you speak to your husband.

I say anything is possible because at the beginning of my marriage, I could never have been honest about my ex cyber stalking me. He was extremely jealous of any man, even totally platonic male friends. God healed my husband and reformed his heart and now I can tell him about those things and he doesn’t get angry. So, we might want to pray that your husband receives the information with an open heart and nothing but love for you.

I wish you could offer you a cyber box of tissue. :wink:

God bless you!

Maybe I missed something, but I only saw that you didn’t want to “upset” your husband. How about hurting him. How about loving him. Try giving your husband more attention, affection, think of ways to enrich his life, instead of yours. Maybe get a piece of paper and start listing your husband’s good qualities. List the reasons you married him. Make a conscious effort to repeatedly read about The Virtuous Woman, Proverbs 31:10. Stop blaming “satan” and start taking responsibility, take your thoughts captive. Peace comes with asking the Lord to search your heart, and honesty. I wish you the best.

Don’t give up @Janedoe !!! If it’s an encouragement to you, even as a Christian of many many years I still have times I struggle to “take every thought captive” but its so worth the fight. For me, not with ex whoevers because I have none and happily married for 20 years, but my struggle is financial. We have a small, old house needing LOTS of TLC it rarely if ever gets, old cars with the same dilemma and one of our kids has cerebral palsy so therapies, Dr. visits, accessibility equipment, etc. continually use up any extra $ or time.

I generally try to be content with what I have but satan still uses two weak spots to get at me once in a while–a sibling who has a smaller family yet larger home on a lake AND a vacation home in the mountains AND $ to renovate both, and a missionary family we support that has a nice house, is sending two kids through college and just bought a fairly new used car that is about 9 years newer than ours.

When I read about their car the other day my first thought was not “praise God for meeting their needs!” but “why are we sending them $ if they are better off than we are?” Which was immediately followed by “geez, what an ugly thought, what kind of person AM I?!”

I had to quickly take it to God, ask Him to free me of that thought and remind myself of what He showed me a while ago when I was frustrated and questioning Him over it. He followed up something like this…

GOD: “Hey don’t you remember that prayer from the early days?..I’m still answering that one in case you hadn’t noticed.”

ME: “What?..Oooh, that one…‘give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.’ Ouch…Thanks!..again.”

GOD: :heart::blush:

About 17 years ago my husband and I did a short term mission trip in Thailand helping another missionary family we support. On that trip, God impressed Proverbs 30:7-9 on our hearts and we began praying that over our marriage because we did not want to disown or dishonor Him. That forced reliance on Him is probably a big part of why we now have ‘eyes to see and ears to hear’ the truth of what is really going on in the world today.

All that to say, keep pressing on. Satan will keep trying to attack, but we choose how we respond and it gets easier the more we choose to rely on God’s strength.


:rofl::rofl::rofl: love your sense of humor jon, much appreciated!!! Though I think I might switch the tune to ‘Baby shark’…

God is good
doo doo doo doo doo doo
God is good
doo doo doo doo doo doo
God is good
doo doo doo doo doo doo

Jesus saves
doo doo doo doo doo doo
Jesus saves
doo doo doo doo doo doo
Jesus saves
doo doo doo doo doo doo

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Whatever gets ya dancing with the Holy Spirit lol.

Jane, I cannot add much to what others have said here but know that God loves you and all of us despite our transgressions and weaknesses. All of us sin, every single one of us. Jesus said in John 8:7 He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. Never feel like you are alone and do not let Satan feed your thoughts with his lies that you will never be forgiven or that you are not good enough. None of us are! It is by His mercy and Grace that any of us will go to Heaven. God knows your heart and if you continue to go to Him and lay your burdens at His feet, He will deliver you from your negative thoughts and actions.
Ask God to bring you closer to your husband. He will answer your prayers. He is mightier than the devil!
God Bless You.

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If I was the OP after reading this it would be my last time to post. You are shaming her and sound judgmental when she courageously was honest. I give her credit for doing so.