@TCC Thank you Teren. You have truly eased my heart. I think I get easily frazzled for a few reasons. First, I’m still a baby Christian. And I have a hard time comprehending Revelation and it’s order. I’ve read it multiple times, and also try to hear it from pastors, and other brothers and sisters in Christ. The thing is, I do have damage from the brain surgery, the chemo for 2 years, and the 6weeks of radiation directly to my brain.
They were only able to get part of the cancer out from the surgery. Then it grew again, and I became inoperable because of where it’s located (speech, memory, comprehension, word-finding, some stuttering, etc, areas in brain). So that’s why I had to do the chemo for 2 years, then the radiation. The chemo did nothing to shrink it. The radiation did decrease the size in the central area. But I have these “fingers of tumor” that spread out from the initial tumor, and those are the ones that started to infiltrate other areas of the brain.
Sorry, that was long-winded. I also tend to repeat myself and I’m sorry about that as well. I have good days and bad days in terms of all the symptoms. But honestly, I’m just feel blessed to be alive. I am well past my “expiration date” per the doctors and my diagnosis. I know that it is only by the grace of God that I am still here. I count every day as a blessing.
Thank you for being patient with me, and being so willing to explain things to me, that I sometimes forget, or I’ll think “ok, I got it now finally!”, to the next day wondering, “wait, did I comprehend that right?”. Between all of the craziness in my brain and then the emotions, I can sometimes have pretty rough days. I have to take meds for seizures and one for anxiety that also doubles as an anti-seizure med as well. This also troubles me, as I know how much the Lord hates sorcery (pharmakia), so I tend to beat myself about that as well. Believe me, living in this brain feels like a haphazard circus sometimes.
I want to praise the Lord for the fact that I am still here! I praise Him for saving me. I praise Him for His mercy and grace. It would be great if you could please pray for me about the whole situation, especially the anxiety.
God bless you for listening to me and helping me.